Of Many Things
by thehybridmikaelson
Summary: Caroline is drunk. Very much drunk. And Klaus is being sexy and fancying things apart from her and asking her about her life again. Oh, and she used to be so profound. What happened to her? Klaroline one-shot.


**I don't know where this came from. I honestly don't**.

* * *

The world swam around her as she stumbled to my feet, gripping the bar tightly to stay upright.

"Whoa, whoa, Caroline, you okay?" She heard Matt ask from behind the bar, and giggled. He was so sweet, Matty Boy. No wonder they'd had such a good time, back when they were dating.

Before he broke up with her for being a vampire, of course.

Oh God. She needed a drink.

Caroline plopped back onto the barstool, placing her elbows on the bar and her head between her palms. "Another one, please, Matty?" She asked, making a puppy face behind her hands.

"No way, Caroline. You're way too drunk for nine on a Friday night." He said, the grin evident in his voice. He was grinning while chastising her for being drunk. Oh, he was totally trying to get her drunk so he could get in her bed... Again.

She giggled some more. That had been sort of nice, even though Matt wasn't very cuddly.

"So? I'm so drunk, one more won't do a thing." She argued, and Matt looked oddly at her and then pulled out a glass. Good boy.

"Thanks. But, just so you know, you will not get in my bed again. Nope." She wagged a finger at him, pressing her hand to her forehead and gulping down the drink in one shot. It was so Matt. He'd always comfort her after someone broke up with her. Like when Damon had called her shallow. But she was shallow, wasn't she? And he'd told her that she wasn't

Matty Boy was so sweet. Back when they were dating, they'd had so much fun together. He'd never called her shallow. But she was sort of shallow. It was probably why Tyler had broken up with her, too. And now Matt would comfort her again.

Oh God.

"Another one!" She called out, placing her glass loudly on the bar.

"Caroline, I should probably take you home now."

"You're not taking me home! You'll just climb into my bed again!" She said, glaring at him, but losing her focus and having to search for him so she could glare at him again.

"No, I won't. Just let me take you home." He said, and she shook her head.

"Just pour me a refill and then leave, Matty Boy." He shot another odd look at her and then left for the kitchen. When he re-emerged, it was on her side of the bar, no apron on.

"Come on."

"No! I'm drinking. Leave me alone, you-you ex-girlfriend comforter!" She snapped at him, and he backed up, palms facing her.

"Okay, okay. Just be careful, 'kay?"

"Okay, Matty." She said, then giggled, raising her glass to her lips.

She could vaguely make out Matt leaving, shaking his head. He was sweet but overprotective. And sort of stupid. She was a big girl. In fact, she was a vampire, which meant she was more dangerous than everyone here, even drunk.

"Caroline, love! Fancy meeting you here!"

Or not everyone.

"Wait. Wait. So I'm not alone?" She asked him, facing him and taking in all of his British-Hybrid-Sexiness. He was wearing nice clothes. He was always wearing nice clothes. And he had still not shaved.

She was totally going to ask him whether he ever shaved one day, when she was feeling more adventurous.

And suicidal. Because asking Klaus the Hybrid if he ever got nicked-get it, _nick_ed?-by his razor was something only the suicidal would ask him.

Klaus cocked an eyebrow at her in a cocky way. He was cocky. And stupid. And, damn, as far as she could tell, he was probably not bad at all in the cock area.

"Not alone?" He asked her, settling down on the barstool next to hers. The bartender that had replaced Matt came by to refill her glass as she drained it, and got out a glass for Klaus, too.

"You know, you don't just fancy me, but you also fancy meeting me here. I always knew you were a bigamist." He chuckled, that sexy throaty sound that totally wanted to jump him.

Maybe she would.

"You are obviously very drunk." She glared at him. First Matty, now Klaus too? So what if she was drunk? Everyone was allowed to get drunk.

Specists.

"So? No one minded when I used to get drunk as a human. Except Bonnie. But Bonnie's a saint. Saint Bonnie of the Sainthood." She giggled some more.

"I imagine you got drunk much easier then." He said, and she shrugged.

"I got many things much easier then." Caroline wanted to cry. She was here sitting next to the sexiest thing on earth and she was talking about how she used to get drunk as a human. She should be, like, jumping his bones. Or getting the hell out, seeing as she was also sitting next to the most dangerous thing on earth.

Except maybe rats. And headlice.

"Like what?" She wanted to cry. She'd gotten everything so much easier. Like... Miss Mystic Falls. And Matt. And drunk.

"Like life. You know, I knew everything I wanted in life. I used to be so profound. You know what my logic was?" She turned to ask him, leaning her head on her fingers. He raised his eyebrows, looking politely amused.

The little bitch was making fun of her. She glared at him.

"Don't laugh at me." She snapped, and he smiled some more, his eyes twinkling. He was sort of cute. Mostly sexy, though. Why did he have to kill everyone? Shagging everyone was so much more fun.

"I'm not laughing at you, love. Promise." He said, and she smiled. He was sweet too. He wasn't laughing at her. That was so sweet of him. Now, if she just found one more person, and then there'd be three; herself, Klaus and three.

"Okay. I need a drink." She said, and lifted her glass. Nothing came. She closed one eye and looked into the glass. It was empty.

"That's my glass, Caroline." Klaus said, and she giggled. Oops.

"Right." She gave it to him, watching him take a small sip from it.

"You're so civilized. Even when you're drinking. You don't drain it, sucking every last drop out, like I thought you would." Then she giggled. Sucker.

Get it? Sucker?

"So, what was your logic?" He asked, and she frowned. What logic?

"Back when you were human? Your profundity?"

"Ah. That. My prof-profund-my logic was. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy; sex. It was so easy," she moaned, sinking into the bar.

"You could still live like that." Klaus said.

She could? But no one liked her now? And she did like some people-Klaus, for example, even though he was the bad guy-and you know, Klaus. And let's not forget Klaus.

"But I'm dead. And no boy likes me."

"I like you." She blinked. He liked her?

Oh. Right. The fancying thing.

"Who even says fancy anymore?" She asked, giggling.

"I do." He said, his eyes twinkling some more. But he wasn't laughing at her.

Oh, he was so sweet.

"Okay. Let's bone." She said. So what if Elena and Damon killed her the next day? She wanted to tap something and tap something she would.

Oh, he was so good with his lips and his hands and electricity was jolting through her veins faster than blood. He was so, so sexy.

His stubble scratched her cheek and then she couldn't resist.

She pulled away. His eyes looked so sexy. His lips were swollen already. Hers probably were, too. That was sexy. His eyes were totally dark-oh, he _so _wanted her.

But she had to ask him something first.

"Do you ever shave?" And then she giggled.

So she'd basically just kissed the Big Bag Hybrid Klaus-he'd kissed her, but those were all irrelevant facts-and then asked him if he shaved. She was definitely suicidal.

"Uh, yes?" He asked her, and she giggled, stroking his stubble. It was sexy. She didn't mind that it was scratchy.

"Good. Now can we make out?" He chuckled, and then they were making out. She was so going to get it good in the sack tonight. He was probably totally kinky, doing all sorts of things with his mouth and sexy jaw and probably even handcuffs and whips and biting.

Oh God.

She pulled away from him, once again, and when he started to ask her what she wanted, she bent over and threw up on his shoes.

Caroline Forbes was one dead bitch.

* * *

**Liked it? Review!**


End file.
